A pirate walks into the bar The bartender ask What's with the steering wheel in your pants? And the pirate says Arrr it's driving me nuts. Now I've been riding 'cross the seven seas Looking for a girl from another fantasy I keep a big ship They call me Captain Kid. I got the eye patch Tri hat Rollin' like a pirate Shiver my timbers F*ck you till you're limber Freaky deaky Till you get leaky Like Run DMC it's tricky So animated might as well call me Mickey Pedal to the medal Red eyes like a devil Raise the white flag Can't reach my level Like arrr arrr Flow sick like SARS XXX till I hit your mark Ahoy! Ahoy! I put that happy to the joy F*ck with me And I'll play you like a GameBoy Ninja Skin ya Throw you in a blender Chop chop chop I'm a motherf*cking pirate Yo Ho Ho And a bottle of rum we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho And a bottle of rum we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho And a bottle fo rum we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me It's a pirate's life for me Yooo hooo Ha-ha sorry b*tch I wasn't callin' your name We be burnin' so hot You can't even capture the flame Uhuh Street rat, hood rat? Freak with tats, spoiled brat? No, wait, guess again I'm a motherf*ckin' pirate I'm over you like I just dunk Battle ship you just got sunk Boy you think you can handle this? Is your port hole big enough for my ship? It's not the motion of the ocean And size is a thing Cos we ain't getting nowhere With these f*cking water wings I used to be ballin' Now I'm just straight dunkin' Gold stars for my rhymes I got all the boys suckin' Jealous b*tches start hatin' Cos it's not them that we f*ckin' That game you claim you play Is the game that I'm runnin' Yo Ho Ho And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me It's a pirate's life for me Now and then we had a hope That if we lived and were good God would permit us to be pirates. Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me Fire! Yo Ho Ho And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty And a bottle we go It's my duty To please that booty Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me It's a pirate's life for me Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me Yo Ho Ho It's a pirate's life for me I'm a pirate n*gga!

Arr! Arr! ARr! ARR! We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never been to Greenland, And I've never been to Denver, And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul, And I've never been to Moscow, And I've never been to Tampa, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! And I never hoist the mainstay, And I've never swabbed the poop deck, And I never veer to starboard, Cause I never sail at all. And I've never walked the gangplank, And I've never owned a parrot, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never plucked a rooster, And I'm not too good at ping pong, And I've never thrown my mashed potatos, Up against the wall. And I've never kissed a chipmunk, And I've never gotten head lice, And I've never been to Boston in the Fall! (Spoken part) Pirate Captain's Log, 2002, Who be this band Relient K? And why be they so full of contradictions? We don't know, what he did, But we're down with Captain Kidd, We don't wake up before lunch, But we all eat Captain Crunch, We don't smoke, We don't chew, We watch Captain Kangaroo! And I've never licked a spark plug, And I've never sniffed a stinkbug, And I've never painted daisies, On a big red rubber ball. And I've never bathed in yogurt, And I don't look good in leggings, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! (Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give 'em a big hand!) We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

And now it's time for 'Silly Songs with Larry', the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up The infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you We don't do anything! Well, I've never been Greenland And I've never been to Denver, And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, And I've never been to Moscow And I've never been to Tampa, And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything We just stay home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you We don't do anything And I never hoist the mainstay And I never swab the poop deck, And I never veer to starboard 'Cause I never sail at all, And I've never walked the gang plank And I've never owned a parrot, And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything We just stay at home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you We don't do anything! Well, I've never plucked a rooster And I'm not too good at ping-pong, And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, And I've never kissed a chipmunk And I've never gotten head lice, And I've never been to Boston in the fall Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate? Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things!" Oh ... And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think? I think you look like Cap'n Crunch! Huh? No I don't! Do too Do not! You're making me hungry That's it, you're walkin' the plank! Says who? Says the captain, that's who! Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch! And I've never licked a spark plug And I've never sniffed a stink bug, And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, And I've never bathed in yogurt And I don't look good in leggings ... You just don't get it! And we've never been to Boston in the fall!

Baby I know your eyes see right through my disguise And no one can deny Baby that I'm the one whose love is no surprise And he can't tell you no lie But there's a secret I've been hidin' I can't keep it no more There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby! He needs to tell you something I don't got a belly button Oh I need to tell you something Have you figure it out He don't got a belly button Belly button no, oh no no Baby please don't squeal, just tell me how you feel 'Cause his love is for real And if you went away, my heart would never heal So to you he appeals There's something missing in my middle and it's hard to ignore There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby to tell you something I don't got a belly button (belly button) Baby to tell you something I don't think I've got a belly button Belly button no, no, no Belly button Uh, uh Belly button Uh, uh You say your bellybutton's missing, there's no reason for alarm It's a common thing for gourds, it won't do you any harm You're technically a fruit and with that much being said Your umbilical equivocal is up there on your head You could opt for a prosthetic but of course you'd have to know It'd be covered by your shirt, but not your HMO Belly button Uh, uh Belly button Uh, uh A stylish something absent from my midriff's d'cor There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby to tell you something I don't got a belly button (belly button) Baby to tell you something I don't think I've got a belly button Belly button no, no, no No belly button

What are you doing? We're going to knock your wall down By walking around in circles? Yes Oh, that's a great idea, you go ahead and keep walking Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall You silly little pickle, you silly little bees You think that walking 'round will bring this city to its knees? The awesome power of this wall, we've clearly demonstrated Ah, but out here in this hot, hot sun, perhaps you're dehydrated? I pity them Philippe, ah, meh-wee, Jean-Claude, meh-wee Won't you join me in my irritating little song? It would be an honor Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall It's plain to see that your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall

And now it's time for Silly Songs With Larry, The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls Larry the Cucumber presents, In a sequential image, stereo-phonic, multi-media event The Song Of The Cebu! Cebu! This is a song about a boy, A song about a little boy and his cebus, A song about a little boy and his three cebus! The little boy who had a sick cebu, A sad Cebu And a mute Cebu And also a hippo Umm, umm, This is me at the airport, This is my aunt Ruth, This is me in a bull fight, This is me fighting a bull, (Oooh) This is me and the bull (Aaah) This is me and the bull And i think that's the bull's cousin, He's a cebu. Hold it! You call this a multi-media event? This is a slide projector and, and a bed sheet! And what on Earth is a cebu anyway? It's kinda like a cow, see? Yes, well very good, This could be interesting, Carry on Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu (Cebu) Boy is riding with cebu (Boy is riding the cebu) Into town in his canoe (Into town in his canoe) Sick cebu is rowing and sneezing Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo (Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo ahcu moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo moo moo) Hippo chewing on bamboo (Hippo chewing on bamboo) Can't see boy and three Cebu (Can't see boy and three Cebu) Sad cebu is rowing and crying Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo moo moo (Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo moo moo) Cebu! (Cebu!) Cebu! (Cebu!) Achoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo Cebu! Hippo seen by mute cebu (Hippo seen by mute cebu) Tries to tell the other two (Tries to tell the other two) Mute cebu is waving and grunting Uhmmm, uhmmm, Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm (Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm, Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm) Uh oh Wait! What happens next? Um Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute cebu successful in communicating the eminent danger To the other passengers? Is the boy injurered? Why is the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood? Or aluminum? This is quite disappointing I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this. Oh look a Cebu! (Cebu) No wait, thats a water buffalo No more song about cebu Need another verse or two Audience is standing and leaving Bye-bye moo moo bye bye moo Bye-bye moo moo moo moo I want my money back Yeah, that'd be good