Arr! Arr! ARr! ARR! We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never been to Greenland, And I've never been to Denver, And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul, And I've never been to Moscow, And I've never been to Tampa, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! And I never hoist the mainstay, And I've never swabbed the poop deck, And I never veer to starboard, Cause I never sail at all. And I've never walked the gangplank, And I've never owned a parrot, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never plucked a rooster, And I'm not too good at ping pong, And I've never thrown my mashed potatos, Up against the wall. And I've never kissed a chipmunk, And I've never gotten head lice, And I've never been to Boston in the Fall! (Spoken part) Pirate Captain's Log, 2002, Who be this band Relient K? And why be they so full of contradictions? We don't know, what he did, But we're down with Captain Kidd, We don't wake up before lunch, But we all eat Captain Crunch, We don't smoke, We don't chew, We watch Captain Kangaroo! And I've never licked a spark plug, And I've never sniffed a stinkbug, And I've never painted daisies, On a big red rubber ball. And I've never bathed in yogurt, And I don't look good in leggings, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! (Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give 'em a big hand!) We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

Here I wait Brush against my skin I feel the waves Of every open door I could have stayed I could have stayed and been fine I could have stayed Howl when the world Is standing in from of me Saying I can do anything I can do anything Watch me Watch me I could have stayed I could have stayed and been fine I could have stayed I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine Watch me I could have stayed and been fine

Bought on stolen wine A nod was the first step You knew very well What was coming next Bought on stolen wine A nod was the first step You knew very well What was coming next Did I really walk all this way Just to hear you say Oh, I don't want to go out tonight Oh, I don't want to go out tonight Oh, but you will, for you must I don't owe you anything, no But you owe me something Repay me now You should never go to them Let them come to you Just like I do Just like I do You should not go to them Let them come to you Just like I do Just like I do Did I really walk all this way Just to hear you say Oh, I don't want to go out tonight Oh, I don't want to go out tonight But you will, for you must I don't owe you anything, no But you owe me something Repay me now Too freely on your lips Words prematurely sad Oh, but I know what will make you smile tonight Life is never kind Life is never kind Oh, but I know what will make you smile tonight

Arr! Arr! ARr! ARR! We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never been to Greenland, And I've never been to Denver, And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul, And I've never been to Moscow, And I've never been to Tampa, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! And I never hoist the mainstay, And I've never swabbed the poop deck, And I never veer to starboard, Cause I never sail at all. And I've never walked the gangplank, And I've never owned a parrot, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never plucked a rooster, And I'm not too good at ping pong, And I've never thrown my mashed potatos, Up against the wall. And I've never kissed a chipmunk, And I've never gotten head lice, And I've never been to Boston in the Fall! (Spoken part) Pirate Captain's Log, 2002, Who be this band Relient K? And why be they so full of contradictions? We don't know, what he did, But we're down with Captain Kidd, We don't wake up before lunch, But we all eat Captain Crunch, We don't smoke, We don't chew, We watch Captain Kangaroo! And I've never licked a spark plug, And I've never sniffed a stinkbug, And I've never painted daisies, On a big red rubber ball. And I've never bathed in yogurt, And I don't look good in leggings, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! (Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give 'em a big hand!) We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

Baby I know your eyes see right through my disguise And no one can deny Baby that I'm the one whose love is no surprise And he can't tell you no lie But there's a secret I've been hidin' I can't keep it no more There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby! He needs to tell you something I don't got a belly button Oh I need to tell you something Have you figure it out He don't got a belly button Belly button no, oh no no Baby please don't squeal, just tell me how you feel 'Cause his love is for real And if you went away, my heart would never heal So to you he appeals There's something missing in my middle and it's hard to ignore There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby to tell you something I don't got a belly button (belly button) Baby to tell you something I don't think I've got a belly button Belly button no, no, no Belly button Uh, uh Belly button Uh, uh You say your bellybutton's missing, there's no reason for alarm It's a common thing for gourds, it won't do you any harm You're technically a fruit and with that much being said Your umbilical equivocal is up there on your head You could opt for a prosthetic but of course you'd have to know It'd be covered by your shirt, but not your HMO Belly button Uh, uh Belly button Uh, uh A stylish something absent from my midriff's d'cor There's this thing about himself he's never told you before Baby to tell you something I don't got a belly button (belly button) Baby to tell you something I don't think I've got a belly button Belly button no, no, no No belly button

Raise the mast on the steadfast Swifter than a bareback seahorse Sailing an uncharted sea course Who could survive such a dangerous mission? Alongside pirates with zero ambition We got the coconuts poured We dropped the hooks overboard And if you get a little sea sick We play a haddock for a hat trick We got the hammocks on the main deck (swingin' low) We got the butler doing the hen-peck (screamin' so) He say we should have been swabbin' the poop deck (we don't know) It's what the other pirates do, do But we're bringin' you Yo ho, hero Standin' in the gap Where'd ya put the toys? Time to take a nap Yo ho, heroes Flighty as a bird Easy is the word Yo, I'm seeing no heroes We're on a limbo craze It's a relic from my limbo days Now we're stuck inside the limbo zone It's where the pirates go with too much time And a missing spine Yo ho, heroes Standin' in the gap Where'd ya put the map? Take another nap Yo ho, heroes Strike a better pose That's the way it goes Yo, I'm seeing no heroes We're on the bad mood swing We haven't done one thing Not even a minimum daily requirement We got the funk without the parliament And if you're feeling a little seasick (rise and shine) And if you wanna get off the guilt trip (now's the time) Because the captain of the main ship (rings the chime) He could be coming before you know him What are ya gonna show him? Go hero Standing in the gap Taking up the slack Following the king's map Go hero Steady as a rock I know it's a shock Yo, there be a hero Go hero Standing in the gap Taking up the slack Following the king's map Go hero Steady at the wheel Keep an even keel Yo, there be the king's hero

What are you doing? We're going to knock your wall down By walking around in circles? Yes Oh, that's a great idea, you go ahead and keep walking Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall You silly little pickle, you silly little bees You think that walking 'round will bring this city to its knees? The awesome power of this wall, we've clearly demonstrated Ah, but out here in this hot, hot sun, perhaps you're dehydrated? I pity them Philippe, ah, meh-wee, Jean-Claude, meh-wee Won't you join me in my irritating little song? It would be an honor Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall It's plain to see that your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall

And now it's time for Silly Songs With Larry, The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls Larry the Cucumber presents, In a sequential image, stereo-phonic, multi-media event The Song Of The Cebu! Cebu! This is a song about a boy, A song about a little boy and his cebus, A song about a little boy and his three cebus! The little boy who had a sick cebu, A sad Cebu And a mute Cebu And also a hippo Umm, umm, This is me at the airport, This is my aunt Ruth, This is me in a bull fight, This is me fighting a bull, (Oooh) This is me and the bull (Aaah) This is me and the bull And i think that's the bull's cousin, He's a cebu. Hold it! You call this a multi-media event? This is a slide projector and, and a bed sheet! And what on Earth is a cebu anyway? It's kinda like a cow, see? Yes, well very good, This could be interesting, Carry on Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu (Cebu) Boy is riding with cebu (Boy is riding the cebu) Into town in his canoe (Into town in his canoe) Sick cebu is rowing and sneezing Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo (Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo Achoo moo moo ahcu moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo moo moo) Hippo chewing on bamboo (Hippo chewing on bamboo) Can't see boy and three Cebu (Can't see boy and three Cebu) Sad cebu is rowing and crying Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo moo moo (Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Ba hoo moo moo moo moo) Cebu! (Cebu!) Cebu! (Cebu!) Achoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo ba hoo moo moo Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo boo hoo moo moo Cebu! Hippo seen by mute cebu (Hippo seen by mute cebu) Tries to tell the other two (Tries to tell the other two) Mute cebu is waving and grunting Uhmmm, uhmmm, Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm (Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm, Uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm, uhmmm) Uh oh Wait! What happens next? Um Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute cebu successful in communicating the eminent danger To the other passengers? Is the boy injurered? Why is the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood? Or aluminum? This is quite disappointing I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this. Oh look a Cebu! (Cebu) No wait, thats a water buffalo No more song about cebu Need another verse or two Audience is standing and leaving Bye-bye moo moo bye bye moo Bye-bye moo moo moo moo I want my money back Yeah, that'd be good