Raise the mast on the steadfast Swifter than a bareback seahorse Sailing an uncharted sea course Who could survive such a dangerous mission? Alongside pirates with zero ambition We got the coconuts poured We dropped the hooks overboard And if you get a little sea sick We play a haddock for a hat trick We got the hammocks on the main deck (swingin' low) We got the butler doing the hen-peck (screamin' so) He say we should have been swabbin' the poop deck (we don't know) It's what the other pirates do, do But we're bringin' you Yo ho, hero Standin' in the gap Where'd ya put the toys? Time to take a nap Yo ho, heroes Flighty as a bird Easy is the word Yo, I'm seeing no heroes We're on a limbo craze It's a relic from my limbo days Now we're stuck inside the limbo zone It's where the pirates go with too much time And a missing spine Yo ho, heroes Standin' in the gap Where'd ya put the map? Take another nap Yo ho, heroes Strike a better pose That's the way it goes Yo, I'm seeing no heroes We're on the bad mood swing We haven't done one thing Not even a minimum daily requirement We got the funk without the parliament And if you're feeling a little seasick (rise and shine) And if you wanna get off the guilt trip (now's the time) Because the captain of the main ship (rings the chime) He could be coming before you know him What are ya gonna show him? Go hero Standing in the gap Taking up the slack Following the king's map Go hero Steady as a rock I know it's a shock Yo, there be a hero Go hero Standing in the gap Taking up the slack Following the king's map Go hero Steady at the wheel Keep an even keel Yo, there be the king's hero

What are you doing? We're going to knock your wall down By walking around in circles? Yes Oh, that's a great idea, you go ahead and keep walking Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall You silly little pickle, you silly little bees You think that walking 'round will bring this city to its knees? The awesome power of this wall, we've clearly demonstrated Ah, but out here in this hot, hot sun, perhaps you're dehydrated? I pity them Philippe, ah, meh-wee, Jean-Claude, meh-wee Won't you join me in my irritating little song? It would be an honor Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall Keep walking, but she isn't gonna to fall! It's plain to see, your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall It's plain to see that your brains are very small To think walking, will be knocking down our wall

And now it's time for Silly Song with Larry The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a Silly Song Today, Larry and Bob are on a photo safari Hot on the trail of monkey or an ape We don't know which, hence the song If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey Even if it has a monkey kind of shape If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail, it's an ape If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey Let's see if we can catch it on the tape You can barely plainly see it if it's a monkey If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, it's an ape! Look, there it goes, there it goes, I don't know I can't tell if it's a monkey or an ape It's very simple Bob If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape! Now Larry, I'm not so sure Ooga booga, isn't that an ape Booga looga, maybe it's an ape If it's a nickel or a salad, or a pillow If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey it's an ape If it doesn't have a tail Not a monkey Are you sure that's what you really mean to say? A camera has no tail Then it's not a monkey, if it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey it's an ape! I think there's something wrong with your logic Larry Well, Bob, the lady at the zoo said it And who am I to tell her that she's wrong? If there's a tail, monkey, no tail, ape, it's easy But Larry, a kite has a tail Then it's a monkey A comet has a tail Then it's a monkey A bubble doesn't Then it's not a monkey, if it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey It's an ape? exactly I knew you'll catch on Larry, we might need to talk about this I don't think the lady at the zoo meant to say that Shh, look, there it goes in the trees, follow me, it's gotta be a monkey or an ape I can't believe it's true All this time I've searched for you Snap the picture, take the shot! We're among the lucky few We finally did it, photographer We've discovered what we're after Let me look, is it an ape Larry, this is a disaster It's a monkey Larry that's a cow not a- That was exhilarating! Let's find more! If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey Even if it has a monkey kind of a shape If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey If it doesn't have a tail it's not a monkey, it's an ape This has been Silly Songs with Larry, tune in next time to hear Bob say Oh, Larry, you don't have a tail I don't? No, you don't and neither do I I wouldn't be so sure about that Bob What do you mean? Oh, nothing

Arr! Arr! ARr! ARR! We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never been to Greenland, And I've never been to Denver, And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul, And I've never been to Moscow, And I've never been to Tampa, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! And I never hoist the mainstay, And I've never swabbed the poop deck, And I never veer to starboard, Cause I never sail at all. And I've never walked the gangplank, And I've never owned a parrot, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! 'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! Well, I've never plucked a rooster, And I'm not too good at ping pong, And I've never thrown my mashed potatos, Up against the wall. And I've never kissed a chipmunk, And I've never gotten head lice, And I've never been to Boston in the Fall! (Spoken part) Pirate Captain's Log, 2002, Who be this band Relient K? And why be they so full of contradictions? We don't know, what he did, But we're down with Captain Kidd, We don't wake up before lunch, But we all eat Captain Crunch, We don't smoke, We don't chew, We watch Captain Kangaroo! And I've never licked a spark plug, And I've never sniffed a stinkbug, And I've never painted daisies, On a big red rubber ball. And I've never bathed in yogurt, And I don't look good in leggings, And I've never been to Boston in the fall! (Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give 'em a big hand!) We are the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything! We're the pirates who don't do anything, We just stay at home and lie around, And if you ask us to do anything, We'll just tell you we don't do anything!