The day, I hate myself - Nilo & DJ Lelewel

I wish that I had somebody to call when I am not okay I wish that I had anyone who cared when I am in that place I wish I could have a mental breakdown Without turning my life into a ghost town So many things I would change But more than anything I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish there was a person that would miss me when I can't leave bed I wish I wasn't stuck sharing my secrets with these made up friends I wish I could be honest about the ugly Without every single person running from me These days it's hard to have faith And more than anything I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself The floods I feel This storm could kill I'm better off to keep it damned 'Cause the more I speak The more I see Just how alone I really am I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself

I smoke cigarettes Because I got a problem With my mental health I don't know how to help myself Don't know how to ask for help I don't know how to not break myself Don't wanna see so many sunrises Because of all the late nights I know where all the afterparties is When I'm tired as shit And I just wanna keep going And fuck with that blow And be a different person That I know I will like I'm a different person You see on the outside On the Instagram Tryna get a lot of likes Smoking in this room When I'm supposed to smoke outside I'm the one that you thought Was so good but I couldn't Make one good decision Even if I could Fucked up So drunk I got no one to love I hate myself And the way I am I hate myself And the way I am Go I hate myself I'm trapped inside a system Lock my heart and hide the key And know there ain't nobody miss 'em Got some cringe I call my life And see as memories Dodging all my peers Because I know they're so ahead of me Lace my blunts with Ketamine Chase my pills with Hennessey Dive into the ocean from the bridge It's feeling heavenly Died when I was seventeen Got stood up by Emily Hate myself much more Than you could ever know Or ever be Jumped to methamphetamines Can't change a world I'll never see Weight up on my heart And man I'm only stuck on Level three Still make the same bad decisions And in my position I know I should change in my heart But don't know where to start I hate myself Because I make a lot of bad decisions Then I suffer the consequences And just live with them I don't fight I don't try I don't hide I just lie In my mind Like it never ever ever happened It never ever ever happened Coming up and being happy It never ever ever happened I hate myself And the way I am I hate myself And the way I am