Post-Traumatic Parasitism (From "ULTRAViolence") - Marzuku

Tell me do you know what it's like? To be freezing through the night See your breath in the air and the water turn to ice You don't know what it's like In a couple few years now your gripping on a knife What's life? that's the question Dealing with depression Every single day you wake up and you're stressing Drowning in your sweat for the drugs your dependent Need a lil something just to clear your damn mind up Negative 30 getting frostbite turning off the heat For my brother and mama and it make it hard to sleep And you filled me with my trauma and it made me feel weak But mama didn't raise no bitch What the fuck you think it is? when my brother load a clip And he put the fucking barrel to your head he would've shot you I could see it in his fucking eyes he would of dropped you I hope that my career comes back and it haunts you I'll never back down I can hear the sound of you screaming at my mama If you ever come around Ima do what my brother didn't do that one day I don't have the balls to kill nobody but for you, I may I don't give a fuck I'll put a bullet in a fucking K Call me dead shot when I'm blowing out your fucking brains Leave you wrapped up in a tarp in the woods Ima bury all the evidence and hide it real good yeah I don't wanna go back I'm getting the flashbacks Made my fucking soul black Cut my fucking throat back I ain't never showed that Really had to hold back I don't wanna go back I don't wanna go back I don't wanna go back I'm getting the flashbacks To the fucking childhood that made my fucking soul black Make me wanna cut my fucking throat back I ain't never showed that Suicide attempts I really had to fucking hold back Looking at the blood stains coming out of my veins Thinking I'm a little fucked up inside my brain Tryna numb up my pain tryna live another day Tryna leave my mark up on this bitch before I fade away Got it in my fucking name Kami going out with a bang I apologize if you ain't really getting my slang Cuz nobody can relate to the pain that I take You can claim that it's fake You can claim that I'm insane But I'm sane I'm the same no doubt Making money while I'm pissing and I check the damn amount Had to get a couple demons out my mind and get some help Never did it for the clout never did it for the wealth I'm just tryna make a change in this game that I partake in Never did too good in school I lack participation All the negativity around reciprocating Tryna change the process of this damn reciprocation Tryna spread some peace but I do it in the silence Tryna end the evil in this world and kill the violence Spreading my opinion I been feeling so righteous Living in a life where I been feeling so lifeless