Hate Myself (So Much Sometimes) - Varley

I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Yeah, late nights are the worst for me They bring out the worst in me Mind runnin', got me feelin' like it hurts to think If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me All the core beliefs And every mornin' I wake up and feel like I am not worth it 'Cause I'm at war with peace I go to Hell, walk up to the corpse of me Look at the body like, "You ain't nothin' but poor and weak" It's kinda weird Lately I been feelin' like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink That's more deceit, more defeat Is this really what I'm born to be? That's what you get for thinkin' you're unique So poor, but I'm so wealthy Need help, but you can't help me What else can the world sell me? Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they're goin' outta stock But it's not healthy I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Yeah, late nights get the best of me They know how to get to me Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me But I don't wanna die, I just wanna get relief So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful What is success when hope has left you? I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record Sick of doin' interviews 'cause I hate myself, agh! Come across like it's so easy But I feel like you don't need me When I feel like you don't need me Then I feel like you don't see me And my life has no meaning, drain me Hands out, tryna ask for love But when I get it, I just pass it up Throw it away and think about it later Diggin' through the trash for drugs Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't I'm scared because I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself I walk through the ashes of my passions Reminiscin' with the baggage in my casket Get lost in the questions I can't answer Can't stand who I am, but it don't matter We scream to be free, but I stay captured Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lacking Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it But I can't have it Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it But I can't have it Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it I don't see you like I should You look so misunderstood And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Pray to God with my arms open If this is it, then I feel hopeless And I wish I could help But it's hard when I hate myself Hate myself But it's hard when I hate myself Hate myself But it's hard when I hate myself When I hate myself It's kinda hard when I hate myself I hate myself It's hard when I hate myself

I wish that I had somebody to call when I am not okay I wish that I had anyone who cared when I am in that place I wish I could have a mental breakdown Without turning my life into a ghost town So many things I would change But more than anything I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish there was a person that would miss me when I can't leave bed I wish I wasn't stuck sharing my secrets with these made up friends I wish I could be honest about the ugly Without every single person running from me These days it's hard to have faith And more than anything I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself The floods I feel This storm could kill I'm better off to keep it damned 'Cause the more I speak The more I see Just how alone I really am I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself I wish somebody listened As much as I go through hell For everytime I've thought of ending it all Wish somebody had felt what I felt I wish somebody loved me As much as I hate myself

I can say things I don't always mean When people get too close to me Don't know where it comes from honestly And you weren't perfect, yeah, you have your lows But I'd say you got pretty close Don't know how you could put up with me I was so caught up in my own thoughts Don't think that I understood When you said that you just couldn't take it That I would lose you for good Oh, I didn't think this over Fell back when you got closer After I just put you right through hell You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself I'd always act so selfish at shit I hadn't dealt with After I just put you right through hell You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself We both know I might be the worst at goodbyes But I look at you straight in a line And acted like I'd be fine Sometimes when I care, I think I tend to shut off Like nothin' could matter enough Why would you let me keep doing that You should've stopped me, but I was so caught up in my own thoughts Don't think that I understood When you said that you just couldn't take it That I would lose you for good Oh, I didn't think this over Fell back when you got closer After I just put you right through hell You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself I'd always act so selfish at shit I hadn't dealt with After I just put you right through hell You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself So off I go to hurt you again I shut you out to try to forget That I'm the one who's fucked in the end 'Cause baby, you'll be happier with someone else So off I go to hurt you again I shut you out to try to forget That I'm the one who's fucked in the end 'Cause you couldn't hate me more than I hate myself I didn't think this over Fell back when you got closer After I just put you right through hell You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself

I smoke cigarettes Because I got a problem With my mental health I don't know how to help myself Don't know how to ask for help I don't know how to not break myself Don't wanna see so many sunrises Because of all the late nights I know where all the afterparties is When I'm tired as shit And I just wanna keep going And fuck with that blow And be a different person That I know I will like I'm a different person You see on the outside On the Instagram Tryna get a lot of likes Smoking in this room When I'm supposed to smoke outside I'm the one that you thought Was so good but I couldn't Make one good decision Even if I could Fucked up So drunk I got no one to love I hate myself And the way I am I hate myself And the way I am Go I hate myself I'm trapped inside a system Lock my heart and hide the key And know there ain't nobody miss 'em Got some cringe I call my life And see as memories Dodging all my peers Because I know they're so ahead of me Lace my blunts with Ketamine Chase my pills with Hennessey Dive into the ocean from the bridge It's feeling heavenly Died when I was seventeen Got stood up by Emily Hate myself much more Than you could ever know Or ever be Jumped to methamphetamines Can't change a world I'll never see Weight up on my heart And man I'm only stuck on Level three Still make the same bad decisions And in my position I know I should change in my heart But don't know where to start I hate myself Because I make a lot of bad decisions Then I suffer the consequences And just live with them I don't fight I don't try I don't hide I just lie In my mind Like it never ever ever happened It never ever ever happened Coming up and being happy It never ever ever happened I hate myself And the way I am I hate myself And the way I am