A Timeless Response to Current Events - Todd Snider

By morning light they came to take me away Their banners swaying in the wind Out in the rain they dragged me onto the castle yard I could hear the mocking of the crowd If only I could I would go back in time Then I would undo what I've done The priest gave me my last rites, my final sip of wine Right before my pending end A growing fear of dying spreading in my soul Hell or heaven be my guide With a noose around my neck and with tears in my eyes I repented the sins of my past Down to the gallows at the end of a rope I will die as a sinner, woah-oh I'm going down to the gallows Where so many have died By the hands of the hangman, woah-oh They came down the mountains They came down the hills To hear me draw my final breath Over the rivers Over the moors To see the madman laid to rest If only I could I would go back in time Then I would undo what I've done Down to the gallows at the end of a rope I will die as a sinner, woah-oh I'm going down to the gallows Where so many have died By the hands of the hangman, woah-oh The pilgrim's riddle is so hard to solve The answer determines your rise or your fall Heaven or hell, the riddle is for all The devils dance in brimstone and fire The angels sing a beckoning call Heaven or hell, the riddle is for all With a noose around my neck and with tears in my eyes I repented the sins of my past Down to the gallows at the end of a rope I will die as a sinner, woah-oh I'm going down to the gallows Where so many have died By the hands of the hangman, woah-oh I'm going down to the gallows at the end of a rope (I'm going down, I'm going down) I will die as a sinner, woah-oh I'm going down to the gallows Where so many have died By the hands of the hangman, woah-oh

Just look away, look away Look away, look away This show will wreck your evening, your whole life and your day Every single episode is nothing but dismay So look away, look away, look away Three children lose their home and go to live with someone awful He tries to steal their fortune with a plot that's not quite lawful It's hard to fathom how the orphans manage to live though it Or how a decent person like yourself would even want to view it Just look away, look away There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" And they will say, "Look away" Look away, look away Look away, look away The Baudelaires are living with a man who studies snakes He's jolly and he's secretive and makes a few mistakes Spoiler alert! A villain comes to steal and murder So if I were you I wouldn't even watch one minute further The Baudelaires new guardian is racked by fear and panic They end up on a boat that might as well be the Titanic We polled a bunch of adults, 99% agree There must be something happier on screen for you to see The Lumbermill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work The eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk They end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism The very thought of watching should be met with skepticism Just look away, look away There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" And they will say, "Look away" Look away, look away Look away, look away At school the Baudelaires are forced to live in an old shack Comfort, joy and safety are among the things they lack They run a lot of laps which keeps them in fantastic shape But you're the one who ought to take this chance for an escape The Baudelaires are taken in by people who are rich But Olaf has a plan that's going off without a hitch It's a race against the clock to rescue their two kidnapped friends You'll need rescuing yourself before this grim tale ends The town of V.F.D is full of people, full of rules The Quagmires have once again been kidnapped for their jewels The Baudelaires must rescue them but end up getting jailed You might hope that things improve but I'm afraid that ship has sailed The Baudelaires are hiding in a place crawling with doctors Count Olaf's close behind them with his troupe of lousy actors Something dreadful happens with a big, sharp, rusty knife So if I were you, I'd find some other way to spend your life The Baudelaires are hiding in a carnival of freaks Count Olaf is the worst he's been for more than several weeks The lions in the hinterlands are hungry and quite fierce There is literally no program you can watch that's any weirse Just look away, look away Look away, look away This show will wreck your evening, your whole life and your day Every single episode is nothing but dismay So look away, look away, look away The Baudelaires are trapped in mountains covered up in snow More villains have arrived and there is no place they can go It's a horrid way to start up this, our third and final season Anyone still watching it has clearly lost all reason The Baudelaires are deep below the surface of the sea Hoping to avoid Count Olaf's horrid company But of course he finds them and of course it's very awful This show is so grim it really ought to be unlawful The Baudelaires check in to a hotel to spy upon A group of awful people for whom murder is a yawn It may seem like Count Olaf will be finally brought to justice But why would any viewers think that they could really trust us? The Baudelaires, adrift at sea, wash up far off the map Olaf's right behind them with a fungus and a trap Our story ends in tragedy upon a coastal shelf I beg of you, I beg of you, stop watching, safe yourself Just look away, look away There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" And they will say, "Look away" Look away, look away Look away, look away Look away, look away Look away, look away

Oh, you don't know me 'cause I'm from a different age And you can't see me 'cause I live in a different age And you can hurt me but you wouldn't know what to say But you should believe me, our dreams are all the same Like a life without love God, that's just insane But a love without a life Well, that just happens everyday And I wish I could change, but I'll probably just stay the same And I wish you could sing along But this song is a joke and the melody I wrote, wrote! Oh, you can't hear me 'cause I sing to a different age And you should fear me 'cause I believe in a different age But I live in the city that lives in a different age Oh, I live in a city that lives in a different age Where all the poets are writing memoirs And I'm still singing songs Oh, all the poets are writing memoirs And I'm still singing songs This city's got nothing for you here, kid Oh, I told you just go home They're saying this city is useless But we've already done it all Oh, all the poets are writing memoirs And I'm still singing songs And I wish you could see the Lord But this song is a joke and the melody I wrote, wrote!

Doublewide Blues I got the Blues Doublewide V neck t-shirt with a mustard stain Rollin' up a hose, outside in the rain He's been my neighbor since 'bout seventy-nine 'Course he was in prison most of that time Ever since then he just ain't been right His old lady works days and they fight most night Laid off and blown off, pissed off on booze Doublewide Blues Metallica song, blasting from three trailers down It's them cut off t-shirt and numbchuck kids comin' around Tonight they'll get drunk, try to get laid End up in a fight, out behind some arcade You know one a them little shits, broke my window last spring I told his Mama and she didn't do anything She works two jobs, the boy runs loose Doublewide Blues Doublewide Blues I got the Blues Doublewide My buddy Jimmy, his trailers cool He got him a deck, with one of them, blue plastic pools He works in construction, builds speck homes His woman left him now, so, now he's down there, alone My friend Anita, she loves him, he don't know He's too busy chasing my neighbors wife Flo Soap opera Heaven, without all the clues Doublewide Blues Doublewide Blues I got the Blues Doublewide Wild Bill, the manager, he keeps to himself The war took his smile, like 'em pills took his health He is too old to run around with the Klan anymore Still got a Confiderate flag hangin up outside his door I sit here watchin' all this nothin' go on I don't get out much since O Jay's been on Sometimes it's nice havin' nothin' to lose Sometimes Doublewide Blues Doublewide Blues I got the Blues Doublewide Doublewide Blues I got the Blues Doublewide Take me home, boys, think I'm drunk