Just look away, look away
Look away, look away
This show will wreck your evening, your whole life and your day
Every single episode is nothing but dismay
So look away, look away, look away

Three children lose their home and go to live with someone awful
He tries to steal their fortune with a plot that's not quite lawful
It's hard to fathom how the orphans manage to live though it
Or how a decent person like yourself would even want to view it

Just look away, look away
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?"
And they will say, "Look away"
Look away, look away
Look away, look away

The Baudelaires are living with a man who studies snakes
He's jolly and he's secretive and makes a few mistakes
Spoiler alert! A villain comes to steal and murder
So if I were you I wouldn't even watch one minute further

The Baudelaires new guardian is racked by fear and panic
They end up on a boat that might as well be the Titanic
We polled a bunch of adults, 99% agree
There must be something happier on screen for you to see

The Lumbermill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work
The eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk
They end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism
The very thought of watching should be met with skepticism

Just look away, look away
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?"
And they will say, "Look away"
Look away, look away
Look away, look away

At school the Baudelaires are forced to live in an old shack
Comfort, joy and safety are among the things they lack
They run a lot of laps which keeps them in fantastic shape
But you're the one who ought to take this chance for an escape

The Baudelaires are taken in by people who are rich
But Olaf has a plan that's going off without a hitch
It's a race against the clock to rescue their two kidnapped friends
You'll need rescuing yourself before this grim tale ends

The town of V.F.D is full of people, full of rules
The Quagmires have once again been kidnapped for their jewels
The Baudelaires must rescue them but end up getting jailed
You might hope that things improve but I'm afraid that ship has sailed

The Baudelaires are hiding in a place crawling with doctors
Count Olaf's close behind them with his troupe of lousy actors
Something dreadful happens with a big, sharp, rusty knife
So if I were you, I'd find some other way to spend your life

The Baudelaires are hiding in a carnival of freaks
Count Olaf is the worst he's been for more than several weeks
The lions in the hinterlands are hungry and quite fierce
There is literally no program you can watch that's any weirse

Just look away, look away
Look away, look away
This show will wreck your evening, your whole life and your day
Every single episode is nothing but dismay
So look away, look away, look away

The Baudelaires are trapped in mountains covered up in snow
More villains have arrived and there is no place they can go
It's a horrid way to start up this, our third and final season
Anyone still watching it has clearly lost all reason

The Baudelaires are deep below the surface of the sea
Hoping to avoid Count Olaf's horrid company
But of course he finds them and of course it's very awful
This show is so grim it really ought to be unlawful

The Baudelaires check in to a hotel to spy upon
A group of awful people for whom murder is a yawn
It may seem like Count Olaf will be finally brought to justice
But why would any viewers think that they could really trust us?

The Baudelaires, adrift at sea, wash up far off the map
Olaf's right behind them with a fungus and a trap
Our story ends in tragedy upon a coastal shelf
I beg of you, I beg of you, stop watching, safe yourself

Just look away, look away
There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way
Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?"
And they will say, "Look away"
Look away, look away
Look away, look away

Look away, look away
Look away, look away