Yo! MC Confusing! WTF 3 motherfuckers! Got more hamstrings than a pile of wings! Bringing DVDs to a blind date! First on the deck, Everyday Normal Guy! Everyday Normal Guy here to get the track started My average lyrics are between genius and retarded I drink tap water and watch all the s I put my 30-dollar pants on one leg at a time Sleep eight hours a night, eat three meals a day I'm motherfucking content, I have no reason to complain I have a roof over my head and I got clothes on my back My verse is done. It wasn't great, but hey, it wasn't that bad Yo, I'm MC Uses Time Machines Irresponsibly Went back and found Judas Iscariot in 33AD Gave him 31 pieces of silver to rat out the wrong guy Then I planed monsanto seeds in dinosaur times Gave Bill Gates my iPhone in 1973 Then I traveled in time to the night I was conceived I met up with my parents and we hung out all night Come to think of it, they didn't have any alone time (No...) MC Nauseous up in this montherfucker I don't feel so hot shit I think that I am gonna-- (Bluurg!) Why'm I so sick, what'd I eat? Cat food will make expired yogurt taste less like cheese (Oh right) MC Cock-Blocks Himself, hey girl what's up? You so sexy, we should probably hook up Crawl in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne By the way, I have a girlfriend and I think I might have AIDS (Where you going?) MC Necrophiliac Where are my dead bodies at? Crashing funerals just so that I can get a whiff of that Decomposing bodies, they're my favorite aphrodisiac Flatlining gives me a Pavlovian erection in my pants Turn-offs include breathing, pulses, and signs of life My turn-ons are rigor mortis, cold flesh, and suicide If you're not stiff as a board I won't be stiff and I'll be bored Wait, what do we have here? Looks like I'm about to score Wait a minute... no! No! No-- You have to be kidding me! (What the fuck's going on?) This cannot be happening (I don't wanna do this anymore!) This must be a bad dream (Leave me alone!) Why am I still singing? (I motherfucking killed myself!) Yo, MC Gets Sidetracked Easily back in the heezy By heezy I mean house but not the show, I think it's cheesy My favorite show is, that guy is also in 6 feet Under my first experience with death when I was just sixteen My dog got run over by a truck and its head exploded Like Robert Patrick in when he's frozen It's freezing in Iceland, I was just there on holiday Hold on, I think I got lost again, what was I trying to say? I was MC Who Couldn't Speak In the Present Tense I'm gonna have a lot of money and my dick was immense It would've been difficult, people assumed I was a retard I'll have a serious problem, communicating was hard Yo, I'm MC Constipation It has been three days since My last bowel movement, I'm starting to get impatient Spent hours on the toilet, yet nothing ever comes out of it Intestines like politicians, they're constantly full of shit I wish my bowel movements were a little more like my rhymes Always smooth and free-flowing, it would save me a lot of time Push for hours with no result, not even a brown Brussels sprout My shit's like a gay republican, it's not planning on coming out Yo, I'm MC Invisible, you can't see me The only rapper in this industry that can't be seen With the naked eye I won't lie It's hard to get a fanbase When image is everything and I literally don't have a face I'm MC On the Phone With Ted Danson, keep it down! Just skip to the next verse, I'm on the phone with Ted Danson! Not now! (Hold on, Ted) I don't wanna be in this song anymore, leave me alone! This is more important--I'm on the phone with the guy who played Sam Malone! Yo, I'm MC Confusing rapping up the song Like a Plasticine high-fiving a helicopter thong I got ricochet highlights From the fleet fox's knife guy We out like a rice fighting A vampire's wife life Maye this isn't so bad (Better than my last job) Taking it in the ass for cash (20 bucks a pop) Maybe things will turn around (Being a zombie's pretty cool) Things couldn't get worse anyhow Yeah, that's right. Oh you gonna get it, you little dead bitch. No! No! Ow, ow, ow, ow, I spoke too soon. Ugh, that used to be so gross! It's just a guy having sex with a dead body. There's nothing-- (Bluurg!) Dude, you just puked all over me! Sorry. That's a good idea, I should get an enema. Enemas, puke, guys having sex with dead bodies... you ready to go back to my place? Ugh! What am I doing wrong? Did I miss anything?

I can run a hundred miles without stopping for rest. I can stay under water for 5 minutes on a single breath. When I focus my mind I always reach my goal, But there's one thing I cannot control I come too fast I come too fast A couple strokes and my erection is a thing of the past. I come too fast I come too fast Sometimes it's even game over before I take off my pants. I've read all the articles and I've tried every trick. Thinking of sports or of naked Cathy Bates in About Schmidt. If the girl's on top sometimes I'll last a minute or two, But if we doggy-style oh man I'm screwed I come too fast I come too fast I carry a spare pair of underwear in case a girl sits on my lap. I come too fast I come too fast I swear I'll even shoot my load if a fly lands on my shaft. Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh . Ooohh. Damnit.

Ladies and Gentlemen get off the dance Floor and start doing your chores! IT'S SUNDAY AFTERNOON! It's Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I have to do, And I'm gon do em, I'm gon do em. It's Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I have to do, And I'm gon do em, I'm gon do em. First up, I gotta tidy up. My place is getting messy, haven't cleaned it in a month. I may be having friends over tomorrow night. It's not confirmed but just in case I'd like my place to look nice. Then I go out to the grocery store To get some more dish soap, I ran out a week ago. And I've been mixing it with water just To make it last a little longer But now there's really nothing left. Then I'll stop by at my parents to say Hi And maybe have a cup of coffee and a piece of pie And I'll ask them how their week was How was your week? And they'll tell me how their week was pretty good It's Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I have to do, And I'm gon do em, I'm gon do em. It's Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I have to do, And I'm gon do em, I'm gon do em. Then I'll head down to the mall, pick up some black socks I don't really need them but I heard that they were half off You can never have too many socks you know? So that you can always throw away the ones with holes. Next up, take my dog out for a walk, He needs the exercise And at the same time I talk, To the other people walking their dogs.Hello I usually ask them questions about their dogs How old is he? Then I have to return this DVD of pornography That my friend rented, I swear to god that it wasn't me It's not mine I swear Alright, fine, but it was the first time I am not the kind of guy, that watches porn all the time. Alright fine I watch porn all the time. It was Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I had to do, And I did em and I did em. It was Sunday Afternoon and there are a few things that I had to do, And I did em and I did em. I only have one thing left to do, And I'm not gonna do it in front of you. So I'm gonna end the song like this, As I warm up my wrists. Damnit I forgot to buy kleenex!