This is a song about soft drinks, and nothing else
Get your mind out of the gutter

Hey, guys, are your lips dry?
Any desiccated ladies trying to get by?
I know the best way for the girls and the boys to
Come together and enjoy a little moisture

So you're waiting on the mate that's one-a-million?
And carbonation ain't the way that you envisioned?
You say it's strange, but, baby, shed your inhibitions
And let your date slip into something aluminium

She's elegant and eloquent and so effervescent
Subtle bubbles in my stubble feeling ever so pleasant (haha)
Never thought I'd find a girl with such a delicate essence
Free with the meal deal at the delicatessen, uh

Saw you sittin' in the fridge with a twinkle
Are you a multipack Can or are you single?
A little sipping and a spritz isn't sinful
I'm just finna get my finger in your ring pull

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of
If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man
You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous Can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you can handle 330mil
Get lost in the froth as the foam expends
Get your loving while you're glugging on some OnlyCans

Now, you've seen other paysite galleries
But none of those girls taste like raspberries
So if you think we're just some obscene cannery
All our Cans are over 18 calories

So give a spray for some flirtatious behaviour (oh)
That come-hither hiss is what you came for
We've been brewing up a plethora of flavours
Say we're crude, you can never say we're tasteless

So if you drink it straight or with a mixer (oh)
Bring a mister or a missus home for dinner
Everybody's got a different fizzle in their spritzer
What's it matter what ingredients are on your sticker?

I haven't met you all, but it's contextual
You're all impeccable, if it's consensual
If you're ace, demi, pan, flexible
End of the day we are all can-sexual, ha!

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of
If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man
You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous Can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil
We can semi-guarantee that we won't be banned
Get your loving while you're glugging on some OnlyCans

May be fizzy, but I'll spill a little candour
Sure, it's sticky, but we'll lick the spillage after
There's only one app fro tin can philanderers
Snapping what the Can did with your candid camera, uh

Can a Can cancan? Yes, it can, all the Cans in Cannes are
Canuck Cans in Canada, manly Cans in Canberra in canoes
Grabbing noodles and canoodling with Cans in Cần Thơ

Mexican Cans in Cancún, scandalously scantily clad in their scanties and decanting at you
Camping with a Scandinavian Can, under a canopy, alone in a canyon, with your Can boo

Share a cannoli with Italian Cans on the canals before a candlelit dance
Then canter off to Canterbury for a canny romance, you'd better cancel your plans
This Can-sanova can't handle the demand

Of Cantabrian Cañ-oritas in cantinas with fans
On the Canary Islands, strip Canasta 'til you're down to your pants
And your Can-panion froths over your hand
Damn, these Cantonese Shizes are your creamiest stans!

So go over to Can-bodia
You can let the local flavour flow over you
Getting down with the Hard Round Chromium
Loving's never been so low sodium

Can looking like a snack? That's a canapé
Can-paigning like Barack? That's a candidate
Can sweet on your tongue? That's a candy cane
Can rocking them guns? That's some cannonade

Feel that Can in your heart? That's a cannula
Can sends its regards? That's a can-nister (oh, that's a can-nister, baby)
Inquisitive Can? That's a canvasser
Insensitive Cans? Cantankerous!

So slot your pennies in the vending machine of love
And pick that fizzy little minx that you've been dreaming of
If you're cursed with the thirst of a lonely man
You can get your juices flowing with some OnlyCans

Every glamorous Can has a heart to fill
So I hope that you can handle three-thirty mil
Hey, don't touch, just hold the cam!
Get your loving while you're glugging on some OnlyCans

So download OnlyCans, the app for soda lovers
It's got very high ratings
Oh, oh, no, sorry, it's, it's "very hydrating"
My mistake