I smoked Consulates and Park Drive,
Drank Nookie Brown, learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my breath from my Mum.
Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun,
Did a little speed if my friend had some.
Nicked Volkswagon badges, I'm a Beastie Boys son,
Me so horny, me so young, and I still get my washing done.

Auntie Jo died of cancer, God didn't have an answer,
Rhythm was a dancer, any room for a chancer,
That's me in the corner, thanks Sir.
Wore a Troop track suit, British Knights shoes,
Kangol hat like L.L. Cools,
Before I was having it, having it large,
They nicked the B.M.X. from out my garage.

And I knew it was Tier from off the estate,
'Cause every time he see me he smiled like we were mates,
Then on in, I'd have to walk to me Nan's and I'll dream my dreams for a sea of prams.
Like a hooligan on the football stands and I throw the V's to Leeds and Westham,
And then I ran, I ran so far away,
Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay.
Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay,
Young Muslim didn't get his fare that day,
I apologise today...

Things look better when they start,
That's how the 80's broke my heart.

And who are you calling puff,
You like Wham, man,
I hate that stuff!
And then my Granddad died and left a hole in the family,
With lots of women there to nanny me.

School was a laugh, they didn't have A.D.D,
Thick was the term they used for me.
Over and over, repeatedly, over and over...
Take my breathe away, pass the bidley bidley bidley bidley bong,
Pass it on the left hand side,
Right turn, Clyde.

That girl in the fourth year got pregnant,
She was raised Catholic, brilliant...
I cried, she cried, we cried,
Her youth died.

Drank cider in the cemetery,
The year above us had discovered 'E'.
And I said it weren't for me,
Twelve pounds fifty,
I could rob my mum's purse and buy one off Chalky.

Met a girl on Monday, drank fizzy pop on Tuesday,
Fingered her on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday, and on Saturday.
Dumped by Sunday.

Things look better when they start,
That's how the 80's broke my heart.
The wonder years I've played my part,
That's how the 80's broke my heart.

Like I said,
I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie.
Well, she said she fancied me,
And then she said "Fuck me" and I thought fuck me,
And I'm all talk and it'll be over too quickly.
And it was but I couldn't care less,
I'd seen a girl's part, made a mess on her dress,
Oh yes, you're now rocking with the best,
Second person in my year that had seen a breast.

I'm in my 30s now and I'm still impressed,
Why the Falklands Mum, and what have they done.
Where do girls come from, where do girls come from, where do girls come from?
It's the 80's what you looking at, you mong?
So young, so long, so young, so long...
Too short, so long.
What you looking at, you mong?
Too short, so long, too short, so long,
So long...