Souvenir - Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers & Lucy Dacus

I remember meeting you, we were super low. Surrounded by the sounds of saxophones. And I remember being this close, but never alone. You gave me a little something to take home. I dropped it on the floor. I dropped it on the floor. Dropped it on the floor. I dropped it If I can only remember the name that's enough for me because names hold the key. Names hold key. If I can only remember the name that's enough for me because names hold the key. Names hold key. Souvenir of nothing. Brought home a souvenir of nothing. It fits into a pocket. A souvenir a souvenir of nowhere. Somewhere I've never been before. I dropped it on the floor. I dropped it on the floor. Dropped it on the floor. I dropped it If I can only remember the name that's enough for me because names hold the key. Names hold key. If I can only remember the name that's enough for me because names hold the key. Names hold key. A souvenir of nothing. A souvenir of nothing. I remember meeting you, we were super low. Surrounded by the sounds of saxophones.

I'm staying in tonight I won't stop you from leaving I know that I'm not what you wanted, am I? Wanted someone who I used to be like Now you think I'm not trying Well, don't argue, it's not worth the effort to lie You don't want to bring it up And I already know how we look You don't have to remind me so much How I disappoint you It's just that I talked to somebody again Who knows how to help me get better Until then I should just try not to miss anymore Appointments Ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh I think if I ruin this That I know I can live with it Nothing turns out like I pictured it Maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases I think if I fail again That I know you're still listening Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright And I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is I have to believe that it is I have to believe that it is (I have to believe it) I have to believe that it is (Probably not, but I have to believe that it is) And when I tell you that you that it is Oh, it's not for my benefit Maybe it's all gonna turn out alright Oh, I know that it's not, but I have to believe that it is

I went walkin' again, and go out and forget To tell any of my friends where I'm goin' I'm just drunk, the side of the road, in a ditch When you find me, I wanna go home, I'm sick There's more whiskey than blood in my veins More tar than air in my lungs, the strung-out call I make Burned down, the edge of the highway "I'm sorry for askin', but please, come take me home" I quit talkin' again, I know you're still listenin' To see if I sleep or pierce my skin Needles to the worn out rags The folds in my arms, the sickenin' black And I haven't been takin' my meds Lock all the cabinets, send me to bed 'Cause I know you're still worried, I'm gonna get scared 'Cause I'm alone again, and I don't like the things I see And I haven't been takin' my meds So lock all the cabinets and send me to bed 'Cause I know you're still worried, I'm gonna get scared again And make my insides clean with your kitchen bleach But I've kissed enough bathroom sinks To make up for the lovers that never loved me And I know my body is just dirty clothes I'm tired of washin' my hands, God, I wanna go home

We took the forty down to Visit the family, and I Told you, the only kin I knew Was who I could see from the gurney I used to think about myself Like I was a talented liar Turns out that all my friends were Trying to do me a favor I always want to tell the truth But it never seems like the right time To be serious enough I'm sorry, I'm making myself cry How long do I have until I've spent up everyone's goodwill? Sat on the hood, out all night Trying to scrape together change You pulled a moth out from the grill of your truck Saying "It's a shame" How come it's so much easier With anything less than human? Letting yourself be tender Well, you couldn't make me do it It doesn't feel too bad, but it Doesn't feel too good either Just like a nicotine patch, it Hardly works, then it's over Who put me In your way to find? What right had you Not to let me die? Ooh, but did I even know What I was asking for? If I had my way I'd have missed you more Than you missed me You missed me You missed me You missed me

All of my friends, a plastic bag Walking around, jumping the train tracks Over the fence, veins all black Sleep on the bench in the park on my birthday Call the blue lights, cursed your name When I find I'm still awake Give me everything good, I'll throw it away I wish I could quit, but I can't stand the shakes Choking smoke, singing your praise But I think there's a God and He hears either way I rejoice and complain I never know what to say But I think there's a God and He hears either way And I rejoice and complain Lift my voice that I was made And somebody's listening at night The ghosts of my friends when I pray Asking, "Why did You let them leave And then make me stay?" Know my name and all of my hideous mistakes I rejoice, I rejoice I rejoice, I rejoice

Ooh, I miss it high How it dulled the error and the beauty And now I see everything in startling intensity What I wouldn't give If it would take away the sting I'm in And everything I love, I'd trade it in To feel it rush into my chest The smoke alarm's been going off for weeks No one showed up And half the time it isn't what you think of Faith healer Come put your hands on me A snake oil dealer I'll believe you if you make me feel something Oh, faith healer Come put your hands all over me A snake oil dealer I'll believe you if you make me feel something

I only say What I really mean When I start talking To you in my sleep Oh, I can be honest When I think it's a dream I can make promises sober I'll never keep And you can believe me As long as you want There's nothing inside of here But blood and guts When I hit the bottom Start pulling up floorboards Whatever I get Always need just a little bit more So I'm catching a ride now To get on the first flight You told me it scares you The way that I was tonight Oh, I miss when I was certain About every little thing So scared of forgetting That I put it down in ink Used to call upon the Spirit Now I think Heaven lets it ring Wanted so bad to be good But there's no such thing Ooh, ooh, ooh