You fucking groupie, pick up the goddamn phone Bitch, where the fuck were you Tuesday? With who you say? I wasn't at the studio bitch, what'd you do screw Dre? You went there looking for me? Ooh, that excuse is too lame Keep playing me you're gonna end up with a huge goose egg You fake, lying slut you never told me you knew Drake And Lupe? You want to lose two legs? You try to flip this on me? If I spent more time with you You say "Okay, yeah, I'm cuckoo, hey?" Well, screw you And I'd be the third person who screwed you today Oh, four? Dre, Drake, Lupe? Oh touché You were too two-faced for me Thought you was my number one, true blue ace but you ain't And I can see you and you make that little boo-boo face 'Cause I'm hanging up this phone boo, you make my fucking Bluetooth ache You feeling blue too late, go smurf yourself You make me wanna smurfin' puke blue Kool Aid Here's what you say to someone you hate My life would be so much better If you just dropped dead I was laying in bed last night thinking And this thought just popped in my head And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier If you dropped dead? I would feel so much better Think I just relapsed, this bitch pushed me over the brink Hop on the freeway trying to get some time alone and just think Then the cops pulled me over but they let me go 'Cause I told 'em I'm only driving drunk, 'cause that bitch drove me to drink I'm back on my fuck hoes, but a whole new hatred for blondes But bias? I hate all bitches the same, baby come on Excuse the pun but bitch is such a broad statement And I am channeling my anger through every single station it's on 'Cause a woman broke my he-art, I say he-art 'Cause you ripped it in two pa-arts, and threw it in the garbage Who do you think you are, bitch? Guess it's time for me To get the dust off and pick myself up off the carpet But I'll never say the L-word again, I L-L-L-L... Lesbian! Ahh, I hope you hear this song and go into a cardiac arrest My life would be so much better if you just My life would be so much better If you just dropped dead I was laying in bed last night thinking And this thought just popped in my head And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier If you dropped dead? I would feel so much better 'Cause you told me, you love me, forever, bitch, that was a lie Now I never, wanted someone, to die, so bad in my fucking life But fuck it, there's other fish in the sea And I'mma have a whale of a time Being a single sailor for the night, bitch on a scale of, 1 to 10 Shit, I must be the holy grail of, catches Ho, I got an Oscar attached to my fucking name, de la I might hit the club, find a chick that's tailor made for me Say fuck it kick some shots back, get hammered and nail her These bitches tryna get attached but they're failing to latch onto the tail Of my bumper to scratch them with the back of my trailer Like I'm itchin' to get hitched, yeah, I'm rich as a bitch But bitches ain't shit, I'd rather leave a bitch in a ditch Bitch you complain when you listen to this But you still throw yourself at me, that's what I call pitchin' a bitch That's why I'm swinging at this chicks on sight Long as I got a bat and two balls it's foul, but my dick's on strike So all that love shit is null and void, bitch I'm a droid I avoid Cupid stupid wasn't for blowjobs you'd be unemployed Oi-oi-oi, man oh man, you boy-boy-boy's getting sick of these girls-girls-girls Oink-oink-oink, you fucking pigs, all you're good for is doink-doink-doink I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one She's all 99 of 'em I need a machine gun I take 'em all out I hope you hear this song and go into a cardiac arrest Have a heart attack and just drop dead And I'ma throw a fucking party after this, 'cause yes My life will be so much better If you just dropped dead (I hate you) I was laying in bed last night thinking And this thought just popped in my head And I thought, wouldn't shit just be a lot easier If you dropped dead? I would feel so much better I'm just playing bitch, you know I love you

Maybe Warner saw a blonde who was sleeping her way to the top But I see a woman who doesn't have to I used to pray for the day you'd leave Swore up and down you did not belong But when I'm wrong then I say I'm wrong And I was wrong about you So listen up I see no end to what you'll achieve That's only if you don't turn and run You proved it to me now show everyone What you can do And you look great in dark blue Get back in the game(Oo- Back on the case (oo-) Take a good look at my face (oo) I'm not a fool (oo-) And as a rule (oo) I do not bond (never known her to bond) But I see a star (oo shalala) You're my new muse (oo shalala) You've got the best freaking shoes (oo shalala) And you lit a fuse So go show em who's Legally blonde (shalalalalala) Yes you lit a fuse Go show em who's Legally Sorry Vivienne I'm never wearing that again Um honey you're in the supply closet I know! I said I'm never wearing that again I'm wearing this! Back in the game (yes) Back to the trail (yes) But I'm going back in my style (back in her style) Girls it's a fact (yes) When you're attacked (yes) Got to respond (got to got to got to respond) Hand me my dog (dog) Hand me my bag (bag) And that American flag (got to be American) Cause nobody screws (no) With somebody who's (who) Legally blonde Get on your feet cause she's legally blonde Kicked to the street cause she's legally blonde There's no retreat when you're legally blonde Yeah Don't be afraid to be legally blonde Join the parade cause she's Honey look she's leading a parade Mom and dad Get a picture Just one more please cause she's legally blonde Everyone say cheese! No say legally blonde (legally blonde) Cause she's legally blonde Cause she's legally blonde Yes she's legally blonde Oh my god Elle Oh thanks great chorus But I don't need voices in my head today Honey it's us The girls of delta nu We came to see Our president be Legally blonde (president be cause she's legally blonde) You got a right to be legally blonde You got a right to be legally blonde yeah Collette I've got another package Thanks Kyle B O'Boyle Hey what does the B stand for Brendan Ho Ho ho Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Hey Aaaaa Aaaaa Aaaaa Aa Back in the game Back in the fray Get the hell out of her way (out of her way) Mr you're fired (what?) Guess whom I hired (who?) To represent me You gotta be (yeah you gotta be) Yeah you gotta be Yeah you gotta be Legally blonde (legally blonde oh yeah) Legally blonde (legally blonde oh yeah) Legally blonde (legally blonde oh yeah) Legally blonde oh yeah!

Ooh, yeah Do I know you? 'Cause there you are Trust me, I'm not like any girl at this bar You can keep talkin' a mile a minute And I can still see my life without you in it So don't, don't you start cryin' Don't at least I'm not lyin' I'm shootin' you straight, straight from the hip Don't waste your time, just read my lips, shh I don't think you heard me correctly I'm no good for you, baby I can't say this more directly I'm no good for you, baby I'm no good, I'm no good I told you, I told you Proceed with care Baby, oh baby, you better beware I don't want to lead you on I'm no good for you, baby I'm no good, I'm no good I'll shake my junk to make other boys stare And I'll pretend you're not even standing there I can drink whiskey like it's going outta style And you can wait for me to change But you'll be waitin' quite awhile So don't call me devil woman Don't, think you'll be gettin' any lovin' I'm reckless, and restless, I don't clean my mess up I'm tryin' to be nice, it's not often that I fess up, shh I don't think you heard me correctly I'm no good for you, baby I can't say this more directly I'm no good for you, baby I'm no good, I'm no good I told you, I told you Proceed with care Baby, oh baby, you better beware I don't want to lead you on I'm no good for you, baby I ain't looking for Mr. Right Ain't looking for Mr. Right now You can say what you think I wanna hear But it won't help you anyhow I don't think you heard me correctly I'm no good for you, baby I can't say this more directly I'm no good for you, baby I'm no good, I'm no good I told you, I told you Proceed with care Baby, oh baby, you better beware I don't want to lead you on I'm no good for you, baby I'm no good, I'm no good I'm no good, I'm no good I'm no good, I'm no good I'm no good, I'm no good, baby She's reckless

Honey whatcha cryin at? You're not losing him to that Both her hair and shoes are flat Why is she so rude? Wipe your tears, it's no big thing You were meant to wear his ring Cheer-up, chin-up It's time to bring GREEK A happy attitude Keep it positive As you slap her to the floor GREEK Keep it positive As you pull her hair and call her whore You can take her in a fight You and he will reunite! GREEK You know we're right We're positive KILL HER! Girls, girls! Violence is never wise Not the way to win back guys Anyway she's twice my size Who's gotta plan B? Me! Look at her, she's like a nun Show him you are way more fun Bust out the lap dance And you won You off the hizzle, gee! What? GREEK Keep it positive Yeah! Let out your inner freak! GREEK Keep it positive Miss Prissy Pants won't last a week You will whet his appetite You and he will reunite GREEK You know we're right We're positive We're positive We're positive We're posi... (Spoken) Omigod... You're making me sick. (Spoken) Are we? Warner, let's take this back to my place. GREEK Hey, hey, hey! We're positive That he loves you and not her You're hotta' And I bet ya smarter! She don't know the real him You feel him So don't her her steal him Wake him up like sleepin beauty Turn his head with your red hot booty You bring the noise if we bring the funk It's positively time to shake your junk Shake, shake, shake, shake, Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, Whoo (DANCE BREAK) (Spoken) Girls, how is this helping? He's not even here! He left while we were shaking "junk"! Wait! (Sung) Girls I'm positive That we've taken this to far No I'm positive This is Harvard not a stripper bar All this trashy carryin' on Thats the reason that he's gone I need a salon GREEK WHOO! Girls I'm Positive Try not to get upset But I'm Positive That it's time for me to go brunette GREEK what!? Being blonde and being hot That got me exactly squat! Gotta to show him I've got more to give GREEK Whoa, whoa, whoa No I'm positive GREEK Positive I'm positive GREEK Positive I'm positive Positive Positive ELLE AND GREEK Positive!

There! Right there! Look at that tanned, well tended skin Look at the killer shape he's in Look at that slightly stubbly chin Oh please, he's gay, totally gay I'm not about to celebrate Every trait could indicate The totally straight expatriate This guy's not gay, I say not gay That is the elephant in the room Well, is it relevant to assume That a man who wears perfume Is automatically, radically fae? But look at his coiffed and crispy locks Look at his silk translucent socks There's the eternal paradox Look, what we're seeing What are we seeing? Is he gay? Of course he's gay! Or European? Oh... Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? Well, hey don't look at me You see, they bring their boys up different In those charming foreign ports They play peculiar sports In shiny shirts and tiny shorts Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks They both say things like, "Ciao bella" While they kiss you on both cheeks Oh, please Gay or European? So many shades of grey Depending on the time of day, the French go either way Is he gay or European or- There! Right there! Look at that condescending smirk Seen it on every guy at work That is a metro-hetero jerk That guy's not gay, I say no way! That is the elephant in the room Well, is it relevant to presume That a hottie in that costume Is automatically, radically Ironically, chronically Certainly, flirtingly Genetically, medically Gay, officially gay Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay Damnit! Gay or European? So stylish and relaxed Is he gay or European? I think his chest is waxed But they bring their boys up different There, it's culturally diverse It's not a fashion curse If he wears a kilt or bears a purse Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code Yeah, his accent is hypnotic But his shoes are pointy-toed (huh) Gay or European? So many shades of grey But if he turns out straight I'm free at eight on Saturday Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro- Wait a minute Give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I'd like to try The floor is yours So, Mr. Argitakos This alleged affair with Ms. Wyndham has been going on for? Two years And your first name again is? Nikos And your boyfriend's name is? Carlos I-I sorry, I misunderstand! You said "boyfriend", I thought you said "best friend" Carlos is my best friend You bastard, you lying bastard! That's it, I no cover for you, no more Peoples, I have an big announcement This man is gay and European Whoa! And neither is disgrace You've got to stop, you're being a completely closet case It's me not her he's seeing No matter what he say I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way You are so gay, you big parfait You flaming one man cabaret I'm straight! You were not yesterday So if I may, I'm proud to say He's gay (and European) He's gay (and European) He's gay (and European and gay) Fine, okay, I'm gay Hooray!