So you've not met Mister Toad Well your in for quite a treat Of all the river bankers he's the one you have to meet How would one describe him Well I'd hate to use a label But the word I think that sums him up Unstable! It's true! Toad has no stability at all Especially in a boat Speed is of the essence There is little doubt Speed is the quintessence Of what Toad is all about And if it's bigger, brighter, faster And goes flash! Or zoom! Or whizz! Without a thought The item's bought And Toad has made it his There's always something better There's always something new There's always something reckless that amphibian will do There's always some new gadgetry to satisfy his thirst Some new fangled contraption and he has to have it first! There's always something flashy That's always hard to steer There's always some adventure that he has to pioneer There's always some new gizmo that he'll purchase on a whim For self control has never been an obstacle to him! Speed is an affliction Sadly overlooked Speed is an addiction And alas poor Toad is hooked And if its nippy, snazzy, faddish And can go at quite a lick! The deal is done You better run Take cover pretty quick There's always something pricy There's always something chic There's always some new craze that he's forgotten in a week There's always some essential that he thinks will give him clout So pity all the rest of us that have to do without! His taste is rather fickle His thoughts hop here and there It lands him in a pickle But he doesn't seem to care! (He doesn't seem to care!) There's always some new fashion that makes him look a toff There's always something fancy and he has to show it off There's always something stiddy that he thinks is rather swish! Now if you please excuse me I must go and catch some fish

My oh my My oh my To be messin' about in a boat on the river with you, Ratty, with you The sort of a thing that I thought Only river folk do, Ratty, who knew? Fancy me floating away down the stream With you on the oars, its a wonderful dream It sets me apart from the dormouse, the vole, and the shrew When I'm messin' about in a boat on the river With you To be messin' about in a boat on the river with you, Moley, with you Quite simply the best way of passing an hour or two, Moley, it's true A leisure pursuit guaranteed to deliver Leaving the bench, we'll set of down the river Where 'er the current may take us, there's plenty to see When you're messin' about in a boat on the river with me Watch the willows drifting by, lazing in the breeze While each dainty damsel-fly flits up and away, over the trees To be messin' about in a boat on the river with you The ripple, the sparkle, the scent and the sounds are all new Why be a grouch or a grumpy curmudgeon Follow the trail or the perch or the gudgeon Go with the flow and your days are forever carefree When you're messin' about in a boat on the river with me My oh my What's over there, beyond the water meadows? Somewhere that it's better to avoid, for your own good Weasels, stoats, and mischief-makers lye in wait, inside the Wild Wood Oh dear! Say! there's no need for dismay They won't sully our day, not likely Messin' about in a boat on the river, Messin about in a boat on the river Messin' about in a boat on the river, Messin about in a boat on the river My oh my! Once you've learned the river's ways It's the only thing I will live out all of my days Here, above my doubts, stream of the spring To be messing about in a boat on the River with you, in a boat on the river with you With me as the captain and you, My redoubtable crew, you as the captain and me as the crew No finer fellows were ever afloat Ratty and Mole, and a little blue boat Riding the rapids, then paddling home with the stream When you're messin' about, when you're messin' about On the river With me!

Sadly his life took a tumble Still we should now drink a toast Toad, our incredibly humble Convivial host! Though he might think I'm a squatter I'm master of all our space So now let us feast on that otter Then party the whole night away! Some say stranger things have happened Seems we've landed on a feat Now we're living in a whole And if that to top it all, we've fattened up am otter to eat Not so fast! Don't worry pet your safe now! Or you soon will be You have no escape, the place is surrounded Surrounded by what? Carol-singing field mice? Rats Hundreds of rats Followed by death For glory Toads filling the roads Leading towards Toad Hall Moles armies of moles, and it's the same old story Then dozens of badgers the stongest of them all That washer woman toad it's true Hundreds of rats! Armies of moles! There's only one thing we can do Run to the hills! Run to our holes! We're under attack! We're taking over the hall Taking over the hall The Wild Wooders are in retreat They didn't scare us at all Didn't scare us at all They won't be having this poor to eat! The tables turn And we're gonna have a ball We're taking over the hall Step away from that sir! We're taking over the hall Step away I say Stay where you are you vile amphibian Look at ya' I thought my skin was bad Go on toad Wallop and wack 'em Thwat 'em and thwack 'em Crunch 'em and crack 'em, and then Club 'em and clout 'em until they give up Then punch 'em and pound 'em again Hush! Hush! I could not care less The element of surprise will be the key to our success The key! The key! The key! The key! The element of surprise will be the key to our success (The key to our success) (The key to our success) The element of surprise will be the key to our success! Mummy! Hush! My home My home! My mum! A place to come back to The calling is strong My instinct assures me It's where I belong The trinkets and trappings Mean nothing at all There's one place I yearn for A place called Toad Hall

This time he's gone too far He clips the motorcar Ha! And yet strangely here we are A friend is still a friend Our challenge has begun To undo what he's done A felon on the run! A friend is still a friend But if he's heading homeward Alas I fear the worst With the stoats and weasels there We have to find him first We won't live with regret The fight's not over yet So let us not forget A friend is still a friend Oh, mister engine driver! Make it faster Take me thither I'm a folly fiend There's disaster If we dither Can you build up more speed? There's no hurrying a just swallow Though you told me is true That's a worry, we're being followed By a kalamazoo And as the fields we passed became a blur We were at what the suit of him, slash her He used his wit and cunning And a wash, a woman's cane A fine charade in which he made the greatest, great escape! So why were you in prison? For nothing! A mere bagatelle I borrowed a motorcar while the owner was at lunch Well their gainin' I'm not joking They are closing the gap Stop complaining just keep stoking Chop, chop! There's a good chap! Well their quicker and their lighter We are losing control Let's not bicker, I'm a fighter Just keep shoveling coal! With a good head of steam we went full helt So that toad would have his collar belt Could you jump from the train do you think? Would you might be able to stop? Of course I can't stop They're bearing down on us like a wolf on the fold I'll hold the break down and you get ready How exactly would I? Like this And as the trains raced on the pistons hissed There was a toad-ish grunt, we sunk our fist It may take lots to caught him But a fast was taking shape A thought about what was no doubt the greatest great escape Poop poop! We must find him We must catch him Though we're losing ascent Go behind him We can match him We don't know where he went This is silly And confusing But he's running a lot It's humiliating losing To a toad in a frock Life goes by with a clippity-clop Clippity-clop! You choose where and when you should stop The open road was somewhat mental I swapped it for life without the roar of traffic A lighter load, a pace that's gentle Is certain to impress an older demographic So! Your in washing business Oh, washing, owning, startching All the gentry come to me! And you enjoy it? I simply duked on it, but then I had a talent for it Well that's a bit of luck Look at that pile of washing over there Nevermind the washing what's for lunch? Oh poot a lunch Think of the fun in store for ya' There's the top and the soap and the kettle All set up for a day of joy Oh, well if it comes to that I guess anybody can wash To be messing about in a boat on the river with you Doing me wash It's one of those chores I prefer's ol' scrubber to do Splishity splosh As you will note with a girl of my figure Sadly me smalls are a little bit bigger Still we have plenty of soap and the water is free! Nothings better than spending a day on the river with me Watch the willows driftin' by Yet to burst their buds While I lay here warm and dry Your up to your elbows in the suds! Suffering fishhooks! Hahaha! Your as funny as anything I've seen on the olls I will not be laughed at by an ignorant and ugly barge woman! One more word and I'll put you through the mangle Go put yourself through the mangle you old bag And while your at iron your face and crimp it Oh you really are a toad, a horrid, nasty, dirty, crawly toad And on my ice-clean barge too Now that is a thing I cannot have Is that so my good woman And what do you propose to do about it? This! Ahhhhhh! Stop that toad! As we have failed to catch toad on the barge We are ashamed to say he's still at large No doubt he thinks it funny to have pulled off such a jape We rue the day he got away the greatest great escape Toad was weary Toad was groggy And he felt like the tregs Toad was teary Toad was soggy He was on his last legs Then he staggered And he stumbled And he fell on one knee Then the blaggers Fainly mumbles Please think fondly of me Could that be the angels come to carry me afar? No since when did angels ever drive a motorcar This is my salvation Though I got the strangest hunch It's that very motorcar I stole that day at lunch! Their paces slowed The stars embowed Well surely now the jig is up for vain and foolish Toad! Old lady, hello, can you stand? You, do not know me Only for a poor old woman stranded by the roadside May I assist you into the car? You seem a little better a sudden And I'll be better still if I could just feel the wind in my face How sensible If that, would you let me drive the car? I was watching you coming and I found it very interesting I'm quite revived Well, if if would please you It's simply a question of steering it while you press on that gently This dainty little pedal here? That's the one So this pedal Makes it faster Should we give it a burst Please don't meddle You must master a-a few finer points first This is really most reviving C'mon let's see some spark! You are clearly bad at driving! Please pull over and park! Oh for Heaven's sake you silly old washer woman Get out of the driving seat this instant! Silly old washer woman Don't you know who I am? You again! I am the brave and fearless Toad you see I am the king of escapology! (Let go of that wheel!) A prison cannot hold me, at a wall to stand today (ahhhh!) And in a flash, with great vinash The toad of mystery, will make history The greatest great escape! (Ahahaha) (No!) The greatest great escape!

The open road, the dusty highway A great escape from boredom, drudgery and sorrow Just stick with Toad, and do things my way Then you'll be here today, and somewhere else tomorrow Of all the modes of transport, I think boats have had their day The skip, the skull, the coracle, all terribly fair-say But I have seen the future, and I'll tell you what it showed The open road, the open road The open road The great outdoors, the sense of freedom That thrill when wagon wheels start crunching on the gravel Forget your oars, 'cause you won't need 'em You must agree this is the only way to travel To live the gypsy lifestyle has a most appealing perk While you sit on the caravan, the horse does all the work Just grab the reins and giddy up, it's time we tally-hoed The open road, the open road The open road Life goes by with a clippity-clop Clippity-clop You choose where and when you should stop When can we stop? I wouldn't say he's lazy, but it always makes me laugh The way that Toad surrounds himself with hoards of helpful staff And then his head starts swelling, and I fear it might explode The open road, the open road The open, the open road The open road, the natural flora Define this little cart in bright canary yellow And humble Toad, the great explorer The passers-by behold this most surprising fellow The summer is upon us all until the season ends What better way to spend it though, than with your two best friends The whole world lies before us, and our banquet's safely stowed The open road, the open road The open road The open road, clippity-clop, hey!

Did you see that thunderbolt, careering down the street? Did you see that handsome chap in the driving seat? Motor and amphibian, a moving work of art. Its as if they're both designed to never be apart! The leather's real, the chassis's steel. But who is that dashing fellow sat behind the wheel? Its Mr Toad! Poop Poop! Toad! Poop Poop! Isn't he spectacular, the monarch of the road. Its Mr Toad! Poop Poop! Toad! Poop Poop! Using the vernacular, folks cry "Well i'll be blowed!" Its high time that laurels were Bestowed, of that modest marvel, Mr Toad. Is it any wonder, that the crowds are turning out? Hoping for a glimpse of me, though I don't hang about. Pedal to the metal, that's my motto, that's my greed. Living in the fast lane, with both elegance and speed! The crowds all cry (Oooh), the fans all sigh (Ahhh) But who was that vision, that they just saw whizzing by?! Its Mr Toad! Poop Poop! Toad! Poop Poop Kindly and convivial, with charm in overload. Its Mr Toad! Poop Poop! Toad! Poop Poop! No time for the trivial, this pace will not be slowed! Surely mother nature must have crowed! Hahahaha! When she made that marvel, Mr Toad. (Toad!) (Toad!) Even as an infant, my great talent showed. Clearly, I was destined to excel! Toad-spawn into tadpole, tadpole into toad. When I metamorphosised, I did it rather well! Watch out for that maniac, who flagrantly ignores By laws of the carriageway, your better off indoors! Doesn't have an inkling, that he's looked on as a joke! Everybody laughs at him, each time he starts to croak! Just look at that, the pompous brat! Look out, here he comes again, he's gonna squash us flat! Did you see that thunderbolt careering down the street? Did you see that handsome chap in the driving seat? Motor and amphibian, a moving work of art. Its as if they're both designed to never be apart! Is it any wonder that the crowds are turning out? Hoping for a glimpse of me, though I don't hang about. Pedal to the metal, that's my motto, that's my greed. I need more speed! (Toad!) Poop Poop! (Toad!) Poop Poop! Isn't he spectacular, the monarch of the road! Its Mr Toad! (Poop Poop!) Toad! (Poop Poop!) (Using the vernacular, folks cry) Well I'll be blowed! Its high time that laurels were bestowed, of that modest marvel (Such a modest marvel!) I'm that modest marvel! Mr Toad! (Toad!) Poop Poop!