Step one! Get everyone's attention A powerful, majestic start Maybe battle horn of some kind? Step two! Drums! There has to be drums! It doesn't hurt if the drums are played by gorgeous topless men It's proven very efficient throughout the years But, please feel free to try other alternatives It's also proven helpful to go the exact opposite way Use a grandmother! Step three! Show the viewers your country's ethnic background By using an old traditional folklore instrument That no one heard of before No, no, in this case It's proven much more efficient to not use a young model Go for an old man A beard helps! This instrument is called a Swedish kvinnaböske A small roundish piece from the horn family Inherited from the Vikings Just make something up, no one will know! Step four! In Eurovision, nothing says winner like a violin Trust us, bring a violin! Step five! The violin, the drums and the kvinnaböske Might make it all feel a little bit old fashioned This can easily be fixed by adding a DJ who pretends to scratch In real life of course, this is thirty years old But in Eurovision, it will give your number a contemporary feel Step six, costumes! You need to look memorable Something that the viewers will notice Perfect! Step seven, the song! Everything else might be important, but the song is essential Let it be about something everyone can connect to Love works Peace is also a popular way to go Yes, peace is good ABBA actually won the competition With a song about war with Waterloo But this is not something we recommend When you have all the pieces are gathered Go for it and don't look back! Let the song begin with passion Let the wind begin to blow You can break the rules of fashion And your chance to win shall grow Look into the TV camera So the audience can see That you're lovable, not desperate Smile and they will vote for me Fill the stage with light As dancers will join us The expectations grow It's time for the chorus Love love peace peace Old women baking bread Peace peace love love And a man in a hamster wheel Love peace peace love Make it unforgettable And you will be the best And win the Eurovision Song Contest! Now we'll go down a notch Our hands will touch Pretending we're in love It's you and me and when we change the key We'll give the world a show It begins to snow Love love peace peace And a burning fake piano Peace peace love love And a Russian man on skates Love peace peace love It'll be incredible And you will be the best Love love peace peace Party for everybody Peace peace love love More tricks in a hamster wheel Love peace peace love And we can guarantee That you will be the best And win the Eurovision Song Contest! And win the Eurovision Song Contest!