La Dispute (Portrait Version) - Yann Tiersen

Everybody wants a reason for everything It's so much easier with someone or something to blame I've always struggled at the root of the problem Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense? I've never spent a lot on finding a remedy I guess I figured that it hurts for a reason I guess that's why I've always turned to writing it down Not just in stories but the letters in between And I guess that's why it haunts the pages of everything To self-examine I think the thing is that I shut off from everything From friends and family and my own ambitions From having fun I just shut off from everything Self-defeating? Yeah, probably But I don't know that I had total control over it And I'm not sure it even matters why Sometimes things happen and you can't do anything Plus, I'm the only one who deals with it anyway So if everyone could do me a favor and Just put their fingers down I'd-and keep your mouths Sorry, I know I seem angry I'm not, I, I promise, I just know I did this to me And I will deal with it accordingly And I don't need opinions from those never a part of it Don't need them pointing out my problems, they're mine Don't need reminders, I know better than anyone And yeah, I know, I should be finding another way I know that I should be out seeking a substitute But just forgetting never really made sense to me So I haven't been Do I feel embarrassed about it? I think you know the answer to that I think you'd probably feel a little bit embarrassed for me Wouldn't you? I know I should've moved on ages ago, been happy already But it's never been that easy for me Or maybe it was me that made it so hard I know I've only ever tried a handful of times To sever this thing torturing me It never got me anywhere, with anyone No friendship or hobby, no lover's bed worked But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough And it is my fault Maybe I never tried at all

Another shooting on the southeast side, this a drive-by, midday Outside of the bus stop by Fuller and Franklin Or near there, not far from the park About a block from where the other shooting was last month Or was it last week? Shots were fired from an SUV heading northbound, Eastown The target a rival, but they didn't hit the target this time They hit a kid we think had nothing to do with it And I travel backwards through time and space And I disintegrate, become invisible I wanna see it where I couldn't when it happened I wanna see it all first hand this time I wanna know what it felt like So I float behind police lines Reconstruct the scene in fragments of memories I wanna know what his mother looked like up close I wanna see her leaning over his body So I float there, transcend time I wanna capture it accurately I wanna know what the color of the blood was Spilling out from the tarp onto the concrete I wanna write it all down, so I can always remember If you could see it up close, how could you ever forget? How senseless death, how precious life I wanna be there when the bullet hit And the crowd poured out as the shots drowned into siren sounds Out of their houses now and over front yards All the way up to the place where the police tape ran to mark the crime scene Everybody trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening Of what was going on between the ambulance and all the cop cars Everybody gossiping "Whose kid got hit? Where'd it hit him? And who could've fired it?" Everybody wondering "How did it happen again? And is he dead? These children, our kids" Everybody wondering How far they were from where the victims live And I visit them, their houses, inside my dream I visit them My spirit, soaring high and high up over King Park Leaves the crime scene, travels further back 'til far before the shooting Through their windows, to their living rooms I see them younger this time, playing games and doing homework All these marks of youth soon transformed coldly into stone For fights and stupid feuds, for ruins wrapped in gold And cruelly, I recall why I have come to find a reason But there cannot be a reason, not for death Not like this, not like this Three days later, they made funeral plans, the family Three days later, a mother had to bury her son Not far away, the shooter holed up in a hotel Near to the highway with a friend and the gun, that same gun He'd fled immediately, but was identified by witnesses His picture on TV, only 20 years old They called him "Grandpa" He was older than the others by a year, maybe two And he was safe for a while until somebody saw him there And notified the authorities who surrounded the hotel First arresting an accomplice while attempting to flee Then chasing him up the staircase to the floor where he'd stayed He closed the door hard behind him, locked himself in the room They could've kicked in the door, but knew the gun was still with him One he'd already used, and so they feared what he'd do I floated up through the window of a room to the west I hovered out to the hallway, tried to listen in I heard them trying to reason, get him to open the door His uncle begging and pleading, half-collapsed to the floor He preached of hope and forgiveness, said, "There is always a chance To rectify what you've taken, make your peace in the world" I thought to slip through the door, I could've entered the room I felt the burden of murder, it shook the earth to the core Felt like the world was collapsing, then we heard him speak "Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself? Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself? Can I ever be forgiven 'cause I killed that kid? It was an accident, I swear it wasn't meant for him And if I turn it on me, if I even it out Can I still get in or will they send me to hell? Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?" I left the hotel behind, don't wanna know how it ends

After sundown, before sleeping I am the worst of me, I am a mess of these Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams Whisper seductively and stage scenes It's fear fiction, these visions Caught somewhere between delusion and prophesy What I haven't done, what I've wanted to And what I fear you have becomes reality here Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat A classic party scene, crowded and interesting No love, no life, no history Just touch, just chemistry, just A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and It's a moment, harmless, it's energy It's like medicine, it's self-discovery See, all the secrets I keep, why are they secrets? It's only temporary, that fleeting feeling of warmth Just a flash before the line gets blurry Between a longing for more than what the body wants now And what the body wants now more than anything? Was it integrity that kept my hands to myself Or just the thought of getting too far ahead of you? Was it that I got too tired of the consequence? Or was I just scared? I only know I never wanted to get left behind No pauses, not a second guess First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger They're just movements towards feeling It doesn't matter, neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy Sweat and block out everything to Find every aperture and compel the animal parts Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work Just trying to feel it out, it's like medicine Find the healing in whatever bed they end up in I want to feel it out, I want to know how it works I want to know if it was worth it to worry About the ghosts I feared would haunt the memory About the damage that I'm sure the fear has done to me now I want to know what it is in me that won't follow through Those nights the instinct takes a hold of me and pushes too Maybe it's only that I've never gotten over you Or am I still scared? I see the church steps, a vision Is there fiction in this one too? It's true, I've made a tale of it here Still, it's a little unclear who's been haunting who And time can be such a funny thing, always moving to the future Glorifying the past and amplifying the pain in frames and glass So was our touch half as sacred as I've made it seem Or just another fabrication of a half-dream? Just those chemicals, the adolescent love Just us trying to grasp onto meaning, onto a purpose Onto a sense that something spiritual releases when the feeling hits And when the feeling hits And in that moment sparks and harps play out A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy And in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure But it departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony They fear the notes being played and try to sing along Don't be ashamed, be free to the feeling Don't be ashamed, keep feeling But find it: a body that makes sense I've felt it

Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la la la When she's walking down the street With stilettos on her feet Everybody wants a piece But she's way out of their league Lipstick on her cigarette Thousand pearls around her neck Just like Marie Antoinette Oh-oh, people stop and stare, and they go Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la She's a Marilyn Monroe Always there to steal the show All she touches turn to gold Oh, but she'll leave you in the cold Turn the world all upside down She's the talk all over town Yeah, she loves the pretty sound People stop and stare, and they go Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la lala la lala Ooh la la la la Ooh la la la la la Ooh la la la la la Ooh la la la la la Ooh la la la la lala la lala (Ooh la la la la la la la la lala)