There are those, (There are those) I suppose, (I suppose) Think we're mad (Think we're mad) Heaven knows (Heaven knows, Heaven knows) The world has gone to rack and to ruin ... What we think is chic, unique, and quite adorable They think is odd and Sodem and Gamorrah-ble! But the fact is Everything today is thoroughly modern! (Check you personality) Everthing today makes yesterday slow! (Better face reality) It's not insanity says Vanity Fair. In fact, it's stylish to raise your skirts and bob your hair! Have you seen the way they kiss in the movies? (Isn't it delectible?) Painting lips and pencil lining your brow (Now it's quite respectable) Goodbye, good-goody girl! I'm changing, and how! So beat the drums cause here comes thoroughly modern Millie now! ... What we think is chic, unique, and quite adorable They think is odd and Sodem and Gamorrah-ble! But the fact is Everything today is thoroughly modern! (Bands are getting jazier) Everthing today is starting to go! (Cars are getting snazzier) Men say it's criminal what women'll do What they're forgetting is this is 1922! ... Goodbye, good-goody girl! I'm changing, and how! I'm changing, and how! So beat the drums cause here comes thoroughly Hot off the press, one step ahead, jazz age Whoopie baby, we're so throroughly modern Millie now!

Settle in girls, it's story time! There's a princess in a tower, oh, my gosh, that's just like me Poor Rapunzel needs a haircut, but the witch won't set her free She passes time by singing like someone else I know As years go by, she sits and waits, as years go by? Uh-oh A torturous existence, I don't remember this part She wishes she were dead? Skip ahead, skip ahead But in the end, Rapunzel finds a millionaire The prince is good at climbing and braiding golden hair So I know, he'll appear 'Cause there are rules and there are strictures I believe the story books I read by candlelight My white knight and his steed Will look just like these pictures It won't be long now, I guarantee Day number 23 I know it's today, I know it's today Oh, here's a good one It's a classic There's a princess in a coma, glad it's her instead of me Pretty maiden in a glass box, how I wonder, does she pee? Blah, blah, blah, blah, poison apple, boring, boring evil queen Filler, filler, been there, read that, seven shorties on the scene Skip ahead, skip ahead But in the end, the princess Wakes up with a start The prince is good at kissing And melting Snow White's heart So I know, he'll appear And his armor will be blinding As shining as his perfect teeth and manly hose He'll propose on one knee And our prenup will be binding About time we set a wedding date Day number 958 I know it's today, he'll show up today There's a princess, any princess, take your pick, they're all like me Not exactly, I'm still waiting, they're out living happily Ever after, better get here, I want love in seconds flat No one needs these middle bits, oops, did I do that? Cut the villains, cut the vamping, cut this fairytale Cut the peril and the pitfalls, cut the puppet and the whale Cut the monsters, cut the curses, keep the intro, cut the verses And the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting! But I know, he'll appear, though I seem a bit bipolar And I'm a vandal now as well, hope he won't mind I'm a find, I'm a catch, and a very gifted bowler It won't be long now, I guarantee, day number- Are you there, God? It's me, Fiona It's me, Fiona Now I know, he'll appear 'Cause there are rules and there are strictures I believe the story books I read by candlelight My white knight, my knight and his steed Will look just like these pictures It won't be long now, I guarantee Day number 23 Day number 958 Day number 8423 I know it's today, ooh (I know it's today, I know it's today, ooh) I know it's today, ooh (I know it's today, I know it's today, ooh) I know it's today, I know it's today!